I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
