She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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