Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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