he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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