Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
