dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
