am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
