Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
