i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize