My brain says no but my pants say off.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
