I think my fart just growled at me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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