no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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