I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
