shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
