hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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