Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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