Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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