my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
