She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
