So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
