I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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