Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
