Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
as a side note pls kill me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
