i already hear my dad disowning me
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
