She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
