I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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