Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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