I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
