maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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