i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
