I am puke
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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