When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
