We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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