so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
