two words: eviction party
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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