dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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