the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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