Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
