:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
