Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
