i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Boobs are out for the taking
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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