my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
