So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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