They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
