I am spending my child support on dildos
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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