apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
