I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
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nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
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Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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