Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
