I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
