also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
