i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
