I wish i was in the wii world.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
