it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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