You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he was CRYING into my vagina
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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