Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
