as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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