I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
