I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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