It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
