They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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