She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
