I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you didnt know i had herpes?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
