he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?