But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
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i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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