On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A+ Viking dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
