she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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