so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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