Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
