my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
