you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
