My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
