Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
